2007-07-12 - 7:08 p.m.

I don't know very much at all. I don't understand how mushrooms grow, yet they do it anyway. Hoorah! So I don't... really understand why God needs me to believe in it.
Anyway! This is funny! It starts off as an actual collection of silly arguments:

ARGUMENT FROM DESIGN (II), a.k.a. GOD OF THE GAPS, a.k.a. ARGUMENT FROM PERSONAL INCREDULITY (II), a.k.a. DESIGN/TELEOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (IV)
(1) Isn't X amazing!
(2) I don't understand how X could be, without something else (that I don't really understand either) making or doing X.
(3) This something else must be God because I can't come up with a better explanation.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM INCOHERENT BABBLE
(1) See that person spazzing on the church floor babbling incoherently?
(2) That's how infinite wisdom reveals itself.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM INCOMPLETE DEVASTATION
(1) A plane crashed killing 143 passengers and crew.
(2) But one child survived with only third-degree burns.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

Has some ridiculous ones that are never used that will make you laugh:

ARGUMENT FROM LEFT TURN OUT OF McDONALDS
(1) A lady in an SUV with cell phone to her head pulls out of McD's with no concept of oncoming traffic.
(2) A frustrated motorist yells "Jesus Christ!"
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM QUENTIN SMITH
(1) Quentin Smith says that God does not exist.
(2) But God does exist.
(3) Therefore, Quentin Smith cannot be accepted as an expert on the matter, because he is wrong.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

And some that are really ridiculous yet don't make you laugh, because people often do use those arguments:

ARGUMENT FROM PERSECUTION (II)
(1) Jesus said that people would make fun of Christians.
(2) I am an idiot.
(3) People often point that out.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM JESUS’ TORTURE
(1) No one ever, ever suffered as much as Jesus did on the cross.
(2) No, not the victims of the Inquisition.
(3) No, not the women burned at the stake or hanged as witches.
(4) No, not all the people who died thinking they were going to Hell!!!
(5) Who but God would suffer like that for us ungrateful, unworthy humans?
(6) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM SKEWED ASSUMPTIONS
(1) You're an Atheist? But you're so nice!
(2) I just assumed you were a Christian.
(3) The niceness must be the light of God shining in you, whether you know it or not.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

And of course, finally, the historically accurate and cutting analysis ones:

ARGUMENT FROM AMERICAN EVANGELISM
(1) Telling people that God exists makes me filthy rich.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM INTIMIDATION
(1) See this bonfire?
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM SADISM (II), a.k.a. ARGUMENT FROM MISOGYNY
(1) I enjoy treating women like dirt. It makes me feel powerful.
(2) I find some justification for it in the Bible.
(3) Therefore, God exists.