2006-08-16 - 4:36 p.m.

Disclaimer: Gay couples exist! And sometimes men in a heterosexual union will stay home! And sometimes there are polyamorous collectives, some of whom work! And there are some parents who have to stay home due to illness, and some who would love to stay home but can't, and... etc etc. But for the purposes of this? I'm talking about stay-at-home women, in particular, stay-at-home mums.

I was reading a horrifying stay-at-home site (as in, "You should stay at home and be submissive to your husband", not as in, "Staying at home is good for kiddies! Yay, let's be hippies!" - cus I LIKE the latter kind) and being filled, at time went by, with ever-increasing horror. Articles about how feminism 'ruins' women for housewifery, and trains them to think that everything is men's fault; how women should always be SO PRETTY for their men (but never mind what the men do...); how, even if your husband beats you, you should be submissive because it's about trusting God, not about you. Really horrifying stuff, because, don't get me wrong, having someone keep the house nice is great, and if the aesthetics of your living room make you happy, and your kids would do better with you at home, then... staying at home is a great choice, if it's possible. But if you're only doing that to please God, or make your husband happy ("but making him happy makes ME happy!" um, try making yourself happy to make yourself happy. leads to less ALCOHOLISM), then, um... maybe some analysis would be good? [Pssst! Feminism doesn't say you can't make decisions considered 'traditional'! Just that they shouldn't be abusive [which staying-at-home inherently ISN'T] and that those decisions should be made thinking about the whole picture, and not just going 'well, that's what people say...' or basing your decision on "WELL WOMEN THEY ARE DIFFERENT BUT EQUAL" (very few things make my blood boil like that phrase - it's just used to say 'keeping women downtrodden is acceptable, but they're still EQUAL to us! never mind that we never treat them that way, we SAY it occasionally and that makes our raping ways acceptable.')]

Okay! Anyway! So, this site scared the bejeebus outta me, but that wasn't my point. My point was, that as I was reading some women talk about how... her husband is better than her, god-given seniority, blah blah blah... I thought, "Holy shit. She has CHILDREN. They're going to be raised to think that women should be obedient, and don't belong in public sectors. They're going to grow up surrounded by only one model of family life - the weird, pseudo-pedophilic, 'One-man-one-woman-and-he's-the-boss.' Oh, my Lord."
Is that what extreme right-wingers feel about gay parents/their own kids seeing gays in public? I started to feel a little sympathy - yeah, if you really felt that homosexuality is as wrong as I think that scenario is (and it makes me feel sick to my stomach and brings tears to my eyes, just so you know), then I can understand why some people feel so iffy about it.

Anyways, I was having a merry old time equating one to the other, until I remembered: I don't see feminists/lefties/gays/bright orange horses out on the streets talking about how this return to housewives (I mean in the traditional 'housewife' sense described above) is sinful blah blah blah. I don't insist that they shouldn't be allowed to exist. Homophobes seem so terrified of this hypothetical scenario in which gays go around telling kids to become gay (Um... kay?), yet, if some stepford bitch were to announce to my child at school that they should stay at home and be their hubby's doormat, I'd be more likely to blink and say to my child, "Sweetie, tons of people make their children and homelife their career, and help bring up their children more healthily for it, but tons of people don't, as well. Both are great." (while NOT accepting that particular part, the 'doormat' part). Whereas if a gay parent were ever to say to a homophobe's child, "You should be gay," (...WHEN DOES THIS HAPPEN???, by the way?), they'd get the shit kicked out of them/the child would be told 'heehee, silly gays, thinking that they're people'/the child would be told 'oh, no, don't do that'/the child would have the shit kicked out of them, just to make sure they didn't turn out gay. For the record? You can be housewifey in your home! You can create special spaces for your housewifeyness! You can be housewifey in public! You can be housewifey on the internet! You can ADVOCATE housewifeyness to the public as being an acceptable choice! What joy! When it comes to that "I-want-to-vomit" type of housewifeyness - guess what! You can do all these same things! And, although the advocacy part, for the latter kind, would make me feel uneasy - I'm not about to tell you to shut up.

In conclusion: Women who buy into the patriarchy really fucking piss me off. And I hate it when people can't be tolerant, even though it churns my guts to do the same.

(Again! Staying at home, good! Staying at home and being subservient and not realising the effects sexism and a patriarchal culture may have on your decision, not so good!)