2006-06-26 - 12:49 p.m.

I have horri-horri-horrible knowledge sitting on my brain (imagine a big fat man, if you will - he is SQUISHING my cerebral cortex, the bastard!). Holidays, the lovely dears, began on Thursday, and since then I have had a marvelous time doing many joyful things I haven't done in a while, what with the school and all. The problem is that I'm still sleeping more than ten hours a night (I know! Normally I only need six, at most!) and I'm still absolutely exhausted. This horrible knowledge I speak of is the fact that, in a fortnight, I will be bemoaning my fate as I realise that termtime begins again in just three days. It's horrible.
I keep telling myself I need to DO something, because I feel like a drone. I sit around on the computer, I keep myself clean, I do some chores, I sleep and I play videogames with the sibling (new development! Videogames are BACK IN!), but apart from that essentially the ONLY thing I do is schoolwork. I feel like such a lifeless little tool, honestly, and although morality and such seem far more important than personal success... there's a part in my brain that says "FOR GOD'S SAKE DO SOMETHING OR DIE". I need to paint and write again, though even that doesn't seem to be a lot. And it actually depresses me rather a bit so I just procrastinate from schoolwork and then do schoolwork... and that's it. That's my life.
On that note, I'm scared of being an adult. If I ever try to buy a car or a house I'll be fucked over because I'm female; I don't know how to talk to accountants or manage my own affairs; I have no idea what money is or how you use it; I don't know how to live. What are taxes? When do you pay them? How do you do that? Do you need to register yourself for certain things? Do they tell you when you have to vote, or do you have to figure it out for yourself? Do you have to vote on every issue, local, state and federal, or is it something different? What is compound interest? How do you order things online? Is it considered bad etiquette to...? And it goes on. I'm scared of clothes shopping, I'm terrified of taxes and bills (or rather, their management), and I break out in a cold sweat when the word 'bank' is mentioned. I know those are all things people just get used to as time goes by, but right now it seems like I'm just going to be thrust out into the world without any sort of lifeline.
All that being said, I may just be focusing on the after-time because I hate school so very much right now. I'm a complete show-off and conceited bitch; right now what I'd really like would be to top a subject. It most certainly will not happen (my best subject, I'm probably about third of nine students, so...), but it would thrill me beyond anything else right now. (Well, getting a good end-rating would certainly help too.)
Seeing as today seems to be a money-and-current-affairs entry, I will go on to say that I have very little. (Money, c'est à dire.) Atrocious times these are, because it is expected that I, at the very last, present my family with gifts on their anniversary of birth. It is highly unlikely I'll be making them things, what with the school SQUISHING ME TO DEATH, and thus - I suck. That's about it, I think.
This has been a shitty stream-of-consciousness report from the girl who can't think of anything else to say. How very dull her life must be.