2006-03-19 - 12:56 a.m.

It just occurred to me that at 1 am, I am not working on the things I had set myself to get done before 2 am. (Exam week starts on Monday, and I have 10 exams in one week, many of them two hours long. ... yeah.)

Anyway, one asks, how am I procrastinating?
Instead of doing my incredibly important revision for the first exams of my last year of secondary school, I am looking up parenting advice on various websites to try and find ways to encourage my (incredibly intellectually gifted and probably a better writer than I am [and I'm pretty all right when it comes to writing, though it might not be shown here]) little brother to try harder in school (he is a bit lazy, but fixing this up very well on his own! I am so proud), to improve his handwriting, and ways to help with his anger and stress.

Does this make me a good sister or a terrible student?

I used to really, really worry about how much I had to parent him, because he had a lot of problems and I felt I couldn't even discuss it with my parents, much less hand the responsibility over to them. But it's been a lot better recently. My parents really realised he had problems and tried to fix that up in some ways, and my mother's been... well, taking a more active interest in his activities and so on in the last year or so, particularly the last couple of months. So yeah. That's good, there.

Seriously, though (I never intended this to go like this! I just wanted to type that first paragraph and go back to what I was doing!), he is the most excellent little person I know. I should tell him more often, because honest to God, he is hilarious, he's charming, he does try hard when he decides to, and he's so imaginitive you wouldn't believe. He might get a little fired up (... a lot fired up) about it sometimes, but the fact is, he knows a hell of a lot more about social justice and human rights than I did at his age. He actually disects things, makes distinctions and insights, and analyses news items instead of just believing what they tell him! He makes up his own mind! Seriously, just... yeah. He's so eager to please his older siblings, but apart from that he is just himself, which, in a lot of ways, makes me worry because he says what he thinks, even to teachers. Part of me says "Teach him to be a drone! It will be easier!" and the other part (most of the time this is the majority) says "Holy fuck I have the best kid brother on this planet."

Plus, he's very smart, of course. We're in a family of um, basically smart people, and I know that sounds awful but it's just a fact that we tend to be pretty smart, so :P! But considering his age he's pretty smart even compared to his smarty-pants family. 0_o

He is, honest to God, the only person I can say I would most definitely, no exceptions, in any given situation at all, die for without feeling a microsecond of hesitation or regret in even the most liberal definition. In part, it's because he's 'weaker' than me, and one of the main things I believe, I guess, is that... you protect people who are 'weaker' than you, because that's just what you're meant to do; but another part of me thinks that maybe I would be a little less willing to do that for some stranger.

Whatever. I'm not going to analyse it. (Although I just have. And also rambled extensively.) I love him, and that's pretty much it.

(Shall return with less sappy entry soon (I DID NOT MEAN FOR THIS TO HAPPEN IT JUST HAPPENNED WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY OVARIES?), probably something about oh god the schoolwork is going to eat my braaaaaaains.)