2005-11-18 - 5:11 p.m.

So oneesan graduated today, yeah? And every year I sit there, thinking two things.
The first thing is, "Will my arse fall off?" It's not exactly a concern; the damn thing's so large it would probably be doing me a favour by leaving. It's like a clingy abusive boyfriend -- nobody could imagine me without it but I'd be better off. Anyway, it's not relevant really, because if clingy-abusive-boyfriend butt were to leave me I imagine it would tilt the world off its axis or something, so the world wouldn't particularly care - "Hey! Lookit my arse!" "Don't fucking care! Hurtling through the air at break-neck speeds now!"
Anyway, yeah. So I sit there wondering if all circulation to extremities has ended, all the while chortling while the girl next to me tells how she fell down the aisle after the last Harry Potter movie because she was so numb - and I think another thing.
And the other (and much more comprehensible and not-concerning-posteriers) thing, is "Why the fuck does this happen?" It's a dumb rhetorical question to ask, I know, because ... well, I know the answer. You stick a thousand hormonally-packed girls together, of course they're going to fucking cry at every chance they get.
I think by this time next year I'll be so emotionally empty I'll just stand there and wait, thinking "Man, my arse is numb," but also "Man, everything else is."
That turned out less funny and more irritating than I intended it.

I'd actually been a little concerned that I might be skipping a period because of stress over exams. Last one was super-late too, much hilarity ensuing with various pregnancy jokes. Haw! Slap knee! And such. Anyway, turns out instead of missing a period (which is, you know, worrying in theory but great in reality), I got really fucking sick and everything hurt. Then my period arrived so now quite literally EVERYTHING hurts.
Of course what ends up happening is I still get it but with less obvious warning signs so BLOODY UNDERWEAR EWW TMI I KNOW BUT THANK YOU UTERUS, and of course also just as annoying as usual.

On a related note, yesterday my family started having a discussion in the car about what 'the' was - I suggested a 'definite article'. "There you go, [ototo], 'article'," says my mother.
We have such interesting discussions, no? Not power rangers but conjunctions. Also, it was at this point that my left ovary and right knee joined powers to attack me. My body has a conspiracy. Feck you.